Funny Quotes From Reddit That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

My doctor told me to stop eating so much pizza. I guess I’ll have to find a new doctor.

I asked my dog if he wants to go for a walk. He looked at his calendar and said he’s fully booked.

I started a band with a bunch of scarecrows. We’re outstanding in our field.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

My friend is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay fit. She replied, ‘That would be a big step forward.’

I wanted to lose weight, but I hate losing, so I just decided to gain weight instead.

I saw an ad for a boat dealership that said, ‘Sail the high seas!’ I thought to myself, ‘Why would I want to sail the low seas?’

I asked the librarian if they have any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

I asked my computer for a date. It said, ‘Sorry, I’m still waiting for my motherboard.’

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I bought some shoes from my drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.

Funny Quotes From Reddit That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud part 2

I told my wife she should try some gardening. She replied, ‘How do I grow drugs in our backyard?’

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.’

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me for an hour.

I invited my computer to a party, but it had no connections.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay fit. She disagreed, saying it would only be a big step forward.

I asked my dog if he wants to go for a walk. He looked at his calendar and said he’s fully booked.

I started a band with a bunch of scarecrows. We’re outstanding in our field.

My doctor told me to stop eating so much pizza. I guess I’ll have to find a new doctor.

I wanted to lose weight, but I hate losing, so I just decided to gain weight instead.

I went to a wedding and they had a donut bar. I think I might have proposed to three different donuts.

I walked into a bar and asked for a glass of water. The bartender said, ‘I’m sorry, we only serve punch.’ So I said, ‘Well, that’s a strange way to start a fight.’

They say ‘drink plenty of water,’ so I started drinking plenty, but now I have to pee all the time. It’s a vicious cycle.

I asked my phone for a pun, but Siriously, it didn’t have any good ones.

I told my wife she should try some gardening. She replied, ‘How do I grow drugs in our backyard?’

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I bought some shoes from my drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.’

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me for an hour.

I invited my computer to a party, but it had no connections.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay fit. She disagreed, saying it would only be a big step forward.

I asked my dog if he wants to go for a walk. He looked at his calendar and said he’s fully booked.

I started a band with a bunch of scarecrows. We’re outstanding in our field.

Alfred Sorsazo

A seeker of inspiration and beauty in words. I share quotes that touch the soul, provoke thought, and inspire change.

Finding and sharing wisdom that helps you better understand yourself and the world around you. Why quotes? Short phrases contain incredible power - they can inspire, support, give hope, or just make you smile.

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