Funny Quotes from Lord of the Rings

Even Sauron would need a vacation after dealing with the Nazgul all day.

I bet Gandalf has a ‘You Shall Not Pass’ sign on his front door.

One does not simply wander into Mordor… unless you’re looking for a great hiking trip.

Imagine if the ring was actually just a really fancy engagement ring for Frodo’s long-lost girlfriend.

I wonder if there’s a Dwarf hair salon in Middle-earth.

Gollum should have just opened a thrift shop with all the ‘precious’ things he finds.

If Sam and Frodo had smartphones, their journey would have been so much easier.

I bet Legolas spends more time doing his hair than he does fighting orcs.

Is Rivendell a five-star resort for elves?

I don’t know about you, but I’d still be scared of orcs even if they were wearing tutus.

Can you imagine if the fellowship had to take a selfie every time they reached a new landmark?

I wonder if Frodo ever regrets not taking one more pair of socks with him on his journey.

I bet Boromir would have been the grumpiest contestant on a reality TV show.

Did anyone ever consider taking a GPS with them to Mount Doom?

If hobbits had a mascot, it should be a really comfortable pair of slippers.

Gimli must be a nightmare to seat behind on an airplane with those long flowing locks.

I bet Gandalf gives the best birthday presents.

Do you think they have hobbit-sized roller coasters in the Shire?

Funny Quotes from Lord of the Rings part 2

If I had a dollar for every ‘precious’ joke made about Gollum, I’d be able to retire like Bilbo.

Is there an orc retirement home where they all get together and talk about the good old days?

I hope Sauron used anti-aging cream, otherwise that Eye of his is going to look really wrinkly soon.

Why didn’t the Elves just build an escalator to the top of Mount Doom?

I can picture Gandalf and Saruman having coffee together, discussing the latest wizard fashion trends.

With all the walking they do, the fellowship must have some killer calf muscles.

I wonder if Aragorn has ever said ‘I’m the king and I know it’ while walking through Gondor.

Imagine being the Elf responsible for doing Legolas’ laundry after a hard day of fighting.

Rumor has it that Sauron’s ringtone is ‘Eye of the Tiger.’

If I were Frodo, I’d ask Bilbo why he didn’t just sell the ring online to the highest bidder.

Wouldn’t it be great if the Nazgul just had a bad case of hay fever and that’s why they always looked so angry?

I bet Gollum would be a hit at children’s birthday parties – he’s already got the creepy voice down!

Why didn’t Frodo just Snapchat the destruction of the ring? It would have saved a lot of explaining later.

Gimli must have a closet full of tiny axes for every occasion.

If they made a ‘Lord of the Rings’ cooking show, I bet Sam would win every challenge.

I wonder if the Ents ever have family reunions and spend hours discussing different types of trees.

Imagine if Mount Doom had a ‘You survived Mordor!’ t-shirt gift shop at the top.

I bet Aragorn could give Fabio a run for his money in a hair-off.

Gandalf should have patented his ‘You Shall Not Pass’ catchphrase and made millions.

I wonder if the Orcs ever have ‘bring your kid to work’ days and the little ones get to practice their scowling skills.

If Frodo had a superpower, it would be never getting lost in the woods.

Sauron probably needs some serious anger management classes.

Imagine if Gollum sent Frodo and Sam passive-aggressive notes instead of spying on them.

I bet Merry and Pippin’s plan to distract the Orcs was just a really intense game of charades.

Legolas may be a skilled archer, but I bet he’s terrible at darts.

If Middle-earth had a theme park, the roller coasters would be called ‘The Ring of Fire’ and ‘Nazgul’s Revenge’.

The eagles in ‘Lord of the Rings’ are like the MVD of Middle-earth, always showing up at the last minute.