Funny Quotes about Gambling

I like to play cards, but I’m not very good. So instead, I just pretend to be really lucky.

I don’t have a gambling problem, I have a problem finding the right table to sit at!

The only thing I’m winning at in the casino is the buffet!

I have a strategy for winning at gambling: don’t gamble!

I’ve never met a deck of cards that hasn’t tried to cheat me!

I went to the casino and all I got was this lousy t-shirt…and a massive debt!

They say the house always wins, but I think the house has a secret deal with the universe!

Gambling is like trying to hold a greased pig – it’s slippery and you always end up losing.

I don’t need luck at the casino, I just need a major distraction for the other players!

Gambling: the only sport where sitting on your couch counts as participation.

I’m a gambling expert – I can lose money in any game!

My gambling strategy is simple: lose small, win big, or just go home broke!

I don’t need an alarm clock, the thought of winning big keeps me up all night!

If procrastination were an Olympic sport, I’d be the gold medalist…unless there’s gambling involved!

Gambling: the only way to make math exciting, and your wallet empty!

I went to the casino and tried to win big, but all I got was a free magnet and an attitude!

They say Las Vegas was built on dreams, but for me, it was built on free drinks!

Funny Quotes about Gambling part 2

I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m just really dedicated to losing money!

I don’t mind losing at gambling, as long as I can have a good cry in the casino bathroom!

I don’t need a genie, I just need a winning streak!

I went to the casino and asked for a cocktail, but they gave me a reality check instead!

Gambling is my cardio – I’m always running out of money!

I’ve never met a lottery ticket I didn’t think would make me a millionaire!

I don’t need therapy, I just need a winning lottery ticket!

They say beggars can’t be choosers, but gamblers can’t be winners!

I love playing poker – it’s like getting paid to sit at a table with cool people!

I went to the horse races and thought I was picking winners, but it turns out I was just picking losers!

Gambling: the only place where losing money is considered an investment.

I don’t have a gambling problem, I just have a selective memory!

I don’t trust a deck of cards, they’re always dealing me a bad hand!

I went to the casino and thought I had a strategy, but it turns out my strategy was just wishful thinking!

I don’t need an actual job, I’m just waiting for my lucky numbers to come up!

They say the best things in life are free, but have they seen the price of a lottery ticket?

I went to the casino and bet it all on red…but I accidentally said ‘bed’ and now I’m sleeping in the parking lot!

I don’t need a vacation, I just need a winning lottery ticket and a one-way ticket to anywhere!

I don’t trust a roulette wheel – it’s always spinning its way into taking my money!

I wish I could win the lottery as easily as I can misplace my keys!

The only way I’ll stop gambling is if they invent a game that lets me win every time…so basically, never!

I went to the casino and saw a sign that said ‘bet responsibly.’ I laughed and then bet irresponsibly!

I don’t need a horse race to feel the thrill of victory…I just need the last slice of pizza!

I don’t need lady luck on my side, I just need a good luck charm and a pocket full of cash!

They say gambling is a game of chance, but my chances of winning seem to be stuck at zero!

I went to the casino and won 10 dollars…so now I’m $999,990 away from retiring!

I don’t need a lucky number, I just need a lucky dollar bill…and maybe a few more after that!

I don’t need a fortune teller to predict my future – I just need a slot machine and a losing streak!