Funny meditation quotes

I tried meditating, but then I realized my inner peace was on mute.

Meditation: because some days you just need to hide from the world and focus on your breathing.

Is it still called meditation if I’m just sitting here thinking about tacos?

I meditate because punching people is frowned upon.

Meditation: the only time it’s acceptable to sit and do nothing while the world crumbles around you.

I’m not sure if I’m meditating or just really good at pretending to be a statue.

The only thing I’ve mastered in meditation is the art of falling asleep.

Meditation: the practice of trying to convince yourself that sitting still for 10 minutes counts as productivity.

Inhale tacos, exhale negativity. That’s my kind of meditation.

Meditation: the art of pretending to relax while mentally making a to-do list for the next decade.

Meditation is the gym for the mind, except I’m still waiting for my mind’s six-pack to show.

Sometimes I meditate just to see how long I can sit in silence without going crazy.

Meditation is like a vacation for your brain, except there’s no sandy beach or tropical drinks involved.

I meditate so that I can confidently say ‘Namaste’ without actually knowing what it means.

The hardest part of meditation is finding a quiet spot where your thoughts can’t find you.

Meditation: the only activity where doing nothing feels like you’re accomplishing something.

I meditate because life is too short to stress over things I can’t control, like the price of avocados.

Inhale confidence, exhale doubt. It’s my daily meditation routine.

Meditation is my escape from reality, or at least my escape from doing the laundry.

Meditation: the art of pretending to be peaceful while mentally plotting revenge on your annoying neighbor.

I started meditating to find my center. Turns out, it’s located right next to the snack aisle at the grocery store.

Meditation is like a mental massage, except there’s no soothing music or warm oil involved.

I’m not sure if I’m meditating or just really good at sitting and doing nothing.

Meditation is my way of saying ‘I see you, stress, but I choose not to acknowledge you.’

I tried meditating, but I ended up just making a mental grocery list for the entire week.

Meditation is the art of calming your mind while simultaneously wondering if you left the stove on.

I meditate so that I can achieve zen, or at least pretend to be zen in the presence of annoying people.

Meditation: the only time it’s socially acceptable to close your eyes in the middle of a conversation.

I meditate because pretending to be a Buddhist monk is a lot cheaper than therapy.

Meditation is like pressing the reset button for your brain, except instead of restarting, it just goes into sleep mode.

The hardest part of meditation is resisting the urge to check your phone every five seconds.

Meditation: the practice of sitting still and pretending to listen to your inner voice, even when it’s just saying ‘get a donut’.

I started meditating, but then I realized that nap time was a much more enjoyable way to relax.

Meditation is my excuse for not doing anything productive, because ‘I’m working on my inner peace’ sounds much better than ‘I’m binge-watching Netflix’.

I tried meditating, but my thoughts kept drifting to what I should have for dinner.

Meditation: the art of sitting still and pretending to be one with the universe, even though the universe is really just a bunch of people arguing on the internet.

I meditate because I like the challenge of trying to sit still for more than five minutes without getting up for snacks.

Meditation is my way of saying ‘I don’t have time for your drama, life, I’m too busy focusing on my breathing.’

I’m not sure if I’m meditating or just really good at sitting in a semi-comfortable position for an extended period of time.

Meditation: the practice of pretending to be deep and philosophical while secretly wondering if the Kardashians ever get sick of being famous.

I tried meditating, but my inner peace was too busy planning its escape route.

Meditation is like downloading a software update for your brain, except instead of fixing bugs, it just adds more glitches.

I meditate so that I can confidently say ‘I’m one with the universe’ without actually understanding what that means.

Meditation: the art of trying to sit still while your mind keeps reminding you about all the things you forgot to do.

I started meditating, but then I realized that lying in bed and eating ice cream achieved the same level of relaxation.