Funny Medical Quotes

Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have a broken rib.

I asked the doctor if I could take a bath after surgery. He replied, ‘Only if you can find a bathtub big enough to fit inside a toaster.’

I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Why did the scarecrow go to the doctor? Because he was outstanding in his field!

Never trust a doctor who asks you to take off your clothes and then hides behind a curtain.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

Did you hear about the doctor who tried to cure my fear of elevators? He took me to new heights!

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!

Why did the nurse always carry a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood!

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Why did the doctor become an electrician? He wanted to shock his patients!

Why did the headache see a doctor? It wanted some aspirin-ance!

Why did the tomato go to the doctor? Because it felt saucy!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn’t control her pupils!

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had no body to go with him!

What did the doctor say to the invisible man? I can’t see you right now!

Why did the nurse always bring a ladder to work? She wanted to reach the high notes!

Why did the doctor wear a stethoscope around his neck? To keep his necktie from drooping!

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

What do you call a doctor who can’t fix anything? A witch doctor!

Why did the nurse keep a red pen in her pocket? In case she needed to draw blood!

Why did the chicken go to the doctor? It had a bad case of ‘coop’-er.

What did the doctor say to the germ? Stop being a virus-t!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!

Why did the doctor become an electrician? Shocking patients became too electrifying!

Why did the headache see a doctor? It wanted some aspirinance!

Why did the tomato go to the doctor? It was feeling a bit saucy!

Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work? She wanted to reach new heights!

Why was the math textbook so sad? It had too many problems to solve!

I went to the doctor and told him, ‘Doctor, my arm hurts when I do this.’ He replied, ‘Well, don’t do that!’

Why did the doctor refuse to perform surgery on Humpty Dumpty? He couldn’t put him back together again!

Why did the skeleton climb the ladder? To reach the funny bone!

Why did the mummy go to the doctor? It was all wrapped up in its problems!

What did one eye say to the other eye at the eye doctor’s office? Don’t cross me!

Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus!

Why was the scarecrow so good at his job? He was outstanding in his field!

What did the doctor say to the eyeball? You’re looking a bit cornea!

Why did the doctor become an artist? He wanted to bring color to the medical field!

Why was the math teacher always calculating? Because she knew how to multiply the laughter!

Why was the nurse always so calm? She had a pulse on the situation!

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing and couldn’t ketchup!

Why did the patient wear a watch to the doctor’s office? To make sure the doctor was on time!

Why did the x-ray technician marry the doctor? Because they made sure their love was bone-a-fide!