I turned water into wine, but I couldn’t turn my brother-in-law into a decent human being.
Blessed are the selfie takers, for they shall inherit the internet.
I love bread so much, I should have been born in a bakery.
Who needs a fisherman when you can walk on water and catch your own dinner?
If Lazarus had a Instagram, he would have been the ultimate #throwbackthursday.
You know you’re almighty when your water-to-wine ratio is always just right.
I prefer my miracles with a side of sarcasm.
Why have loaves and fishes when you can have pizza and fries?
Who needs a gym membership when you can multiply loaves and fishes for a workout?
They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think loaves and fishes can give it a run for its money.
I walked on water, but I still can’t figure out how to untangle my headphones.
They say the meek shall inherit the Earth, but I’m kind of hoping for an upgrade to a galaxy.
I don’t need GPS, I just follow the stars.
I may have turned water into wine, but I can also turn leftovers into a gourmet feast.
I may be the Son of God, but even I can’t resist a good dad joke.
I fed 5,000 people with five loaves and two fishes, but I can’t seem to keep my own fridge stocked.
They say I turned water into wine, but I prefer to call it ‘Holy spirits.’
I’m not just the King of Kings, I’m also the King of Comedy.
You know you’re a miracle when people start turning water into wine just for a party trick.
I may be the Son of God, but even I can’t find my keys half the time.
I walked on water, but I still trip over my own feet on land.
I may have multiplied loaves and fishes, but I can’t seem to multiply my free time.
Who needs Netflix when you can watch water turn into wine?
They say I’m the light of the world, but can I get a dimmer switch?
I may have died for your sins, but I also died a little inside when I saw your search history.
I turned water into wine, but I still can’t get my friends to turn down the volume on their Bluetooth speakers.
I may have cured the blind, but I’m still waiting for a miracle cure for Mondays.
You know you’re omnipotent when you can perfectly match white wine with fish every single time.
I may have turned water into wine, but even I can’t turn cauliflower into a tasty vegetable.
They say I can heal the sick, but even I can’t cure my dad’s dad jokes.
I walked on water, but I still can’t walk in a straight line when I’m sober.
I may have turned water into wine, but I still can’t figure out how to refill the soap dispenser.
Who needs a watch when I can just turn water into a sundial?
I may have turned water into wine, but I can’t seem to turn dirty laundry into clean clothes.
They say I can walk on water, but I still use floaties in the kiddie pool.
I may have turned water into wine, but I still can’t figure out how to turn leftovers into a gourmet meal.
Who needs a desk when I can just multitask on water?
I may have multiplied loaves and fishes, but I still struggle with math homework.
They say I can heal the sick, but I haven’t found a remedy for Monday morning blues yet.
I may have turned water into wine, but I still can’t turn a YouTube tutorial into a successful DIY project.
Who needs a juicer when you can just turn water into a smoothie?
I may have turned water into wine, but I can’t seem to find the perfect red lipstick.
They say I turned water into wine, but I’m still trying to figure out how to turn water into coffee.
I may have healed the blind, but I still can’t cure bad fashion sense.
Who needs a microwave when I can just turn water into a cup of hot tea?
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