Funny Dad Quotes

I used to be a cool dad, until my kids became teenagers.

Dad bod? More like rad bod.

My kids tell me I’m embarrassing, but I call it ‘keeping it real.’

I don’t need a GPS to navigate around the house, I have kids to guide me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field – just like me as a dad.

My kids think I’m the king of dad jokes. I tell them I’m just practicing for when I become a grandpa.

I asked my daughter if I was a good dad. She said, ‘You’re adequate.’ That’s the highest compliment I’ve ever received.

I told my son he should embrace failure. He responded, ‘But dad, I want to be an astronaut.’

I used to have a perfect memory, until I became a dad. Now I can’t remember anything unless it’s on my to-do list.

Dad: the person who carries around pictures of their kids without being asked.

Why are spiders great dads? They know how to spin a good web of love.

Dad tip: If you’re ever lost, just look confused and pretend you know what you’re doing.

Every dad’s superpower is being able to find the remote control in under seven seconds.

I thought about hiring a personal trainer, but then I realized my kids are the best workout I’ll ever get.

My wife asked me to fix the leaky faucet. I told her I’m not a plumber, I’m a dad – I fix everything.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing – just like my face when my kids embarrass me.

My kids asked me why I’m always tired. I told them, ‘Parenting is a full-time job, and I never sleep on the job.’

I used to have hobbies and interests, until I became a dad. Now my only hobby is being a dad.

I don’t always understand TikTok, but I’m just happy my kids still think I’m TikToking cool.

Dad joke of the day: Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.

My kids say I’m addicted to dad jokes. I told them it’s just a bad habit, but I know deep down they’re right.

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems – just like my life as a dad.

If a dad jokes and no one’s around to laugh, is it still a dad joke? Absolutely.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts – just like me when I try to discipline my kids.

I asked my daughter if I embarrass her. She said, ‘Only when you try to be cool.’ Mission accomplished.

Dad tip: If you want to avoid a fight with your spouse, just say, ‘Yes, dear.’ Works every time.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything – just like me as a dad trying to sound smart.

My kids think they’re hip, but I tell them I’m hip-replacement cool.

Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired – just like me after chasing my kids all day.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent – just like my sense of humor.

My wife told me to take my art career more seriously. I told her, ‘I’m already a master at drawing Dad Bod sketches.’

Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything, including dad jokes.

I asked my kids if they have any advice for parents. They said, ‘Just be yourself, but a little less embarrassing.’

My kids asked me if I’m a superhero. I told them, ‘No, I’m just a dad trying his best to save the day.’

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts – just like me after watching a scary movie with my kids.

Dad tip: If you want to teach your kids the value of money, give them an allowance and then promptly ask for a loan.

My kids asked me why I’m always wearing a belt. I told them it’s to keep my dad reflexes in check.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything – just like my excuses for being late.

I asked my son if he’s ready for a dad joke. He said, ‘Dad, I was born ready.’ That’s my boy.

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be called bagels – just like my breakfast jokes.

Dad tip: If you can’t find your keys, just ask your kids. They have a keen sense for misplacing things.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one – just like me after eating too much pizza.

My kids think I have eyes in the back of my head. Little do they know, it’s just the reflection in the side mirror.

Why did the dad become an astronomer? Because he wanted to show his kids that they’re stardust – just like their dad.

Dad joke of the day: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything – just like my dad jokes make up my sense of humor.