Funny Business Quotes

I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.

I don’t have a six-pack, but I have a keg with potential.

Success is doing what you love and still getting paid for it. But let’s not forget getting paid is also important.

The only way to do great work is to love what you do, and have a boss who pays you well.

I run a tight shipwreck.

I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Work hard so you can buy the things that make you happy, like a yacht named ‘Attitude.’

I don’t always go to work, but when I do, I make sure it’s only for the free coffee.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

If you think money can’t buy happiness, transfer it to my account and I’ll prove you wrong.

I don’t always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

The key to productivity is putting off things until the last minute, and then powering through at the speed of light.

I’m not avoiding work, I’m just actively engaging in distraction.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in smartass.

I’m not trying to be difficult, it just comes naturally.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I don’t need anger management, I just need people to stop irritating me.

I’m not having a bad day, I’m having a character-building day.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on motivation vacation.

I’m not anti-social, I’m just selectively social.

If at first, you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to?

I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually because I double-checked on Google.

I’m not afraid of heights, I’m afraid of widths of coffee tables.

I’m not late, I’m on a highly efficient time management program.

I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.

I don’t make mistakes, I create opportunities for learning.

I’m not a control freak, I just know how everything should be done.

I don’t need luck, I have charm and a really good smile.

I’m not impatient, I just don’t like waiting.

I don’t need a social life, I have WiFi.

I don’t get mad, I get even. And then I get over it.

I don’t like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.

I don’t always have a plan, but when I do, it’s usually to take over the world.

I’m not a morning person. I’m an all-day person who hates mornings.

I’m not a perfectionist, I’m a ‘just give me one more chance’ist.

I don’t need an alarm clock, my ideas wake me up.

I don’t need to exercise. I get enough cardio by chasing my dreams.

I don’t have an attitude problem, I have a personality you can’t handle.