Funny Alcohol Quotes

I only drink on days that end with ‘y’.

Wine not?

Drink responsibly, just not too responsibly.

Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither does milk.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Beer: because you can’t drink bacon.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professional drinker.

I’m not a wine snob, I’m a wine enthusiast.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I’m not drunk, I’m avoiding potholes.

I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I put the ‘fun’ in ‘drunk.’

Drink like a fish, swim like a mermaid.

Wine is the answer. What was the question again?

My doctor said I need glasses. So, I had a beer.

When life gives you lemons, find someone with vodka and have a party.

In dog beers, I’ve only had one.

It’s always time for wine.

I’m not feeling very worky today. Please excuse any inappropriateness.

I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me.

I’m not a regular gossip, I’m a vineyard enthusiast.

I’m not saying alcohol solves all your problems, I’m just saying it’s worth a shot.

I have mixed drinks about feelings.

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.

It’s only a drinking problem if you’re running out of alcohol.

I’m on a vodka diet, I’ve lost a ton of days.

I enjoy long romantic walks down the wine aisle.

My blood type is coffee, with a hint of wine.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

In wine years, I’m considered very well aged.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.

Wine me up and watch me go!

I drink to make other people more tolerable.

When wine calls, I must go.

I’m not drunk, just light-headed from the stout body.

I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professional wine taster.

Wine is the glue holding this hot mess together.

Work hard, wine harder!

Tequila may not be the answer, but it’s worth a shot.

I’m not an alcoholic, I just have fermenting thoughts.

Nothing says ‘I mean business’ like drinking champagne in the morning.