Calvin and Hobbes Quotes

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous?

The more you know, the sadder you get.

It’s funny how day by day, nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse!

They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.

I realized early on that success was tied to not giving up. Most people in this business gave up and went on to other things. If you simply didn’t give up, you would outlast the people who came in on the bus with you.

Calvin and Hobbes Quotes part 2

If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life.

Sometimes I think the Internet is just a big plot to keep people from focusing on what’s really important.

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.

I’m never sure what’s going to happen when I go in for that physical exam. I’m afraid they’ll find out that I’m normal.

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?

People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world.

I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it’s great to be male!

It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I don’t know anything.

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I’m so far behind, I’ll never die!

No problem is so big or so complicated that it can’t be run away from!

I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life’s problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don’t you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns.

I’m not really dumb. I just have a deadpan, dry wit that comes from my dad.

Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Calvin: I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

Calvin: They say the satisfaction of teaching makes up for the lousy pay, but I’m not feeling it.

Calvin: When I grow up, I want to be an explorer, like the great Magellan. Hobbes: Explorers get killed, or at least misunderstood, often. Calvin: So what? Isn’t it worth it to live a little before you die?

Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.

Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius.

Calvin: The world isn’t fair, Calvin. I know Dad said that you can’t make a good argument just by whining. But can I whine about it anyway?

Calvin: I don’t need to compromise my principles, because they don’t have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.

Calvin: The problem with people is that they’re only human.

Calvin: I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.

Calvin: You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. Hobbes: What mood is that? Calvin: Last-minute panic.

Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Calvin: If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life.