I believe in the soul, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curveball, high fiber, good scotch, and long, slow, deep kisses that last three days.
The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.
This is a simple game: You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball.
You don’t teach boys to be men, you teach them how to play baseball.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains.
This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts.
The difference between hitting .250 and .300 is five hits a year. That’s one hit every two months.
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.
You don’t need a scoreboard to know when you’re losing.
Never mess with a winning streak.
Baseball may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it’s also a job.
The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don’t be a guy.
Every year I realize a little bit more how little I know about where the game came from and how little I know about where it’s going.
Don’t think. It can only hurt the ball club.
This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.
Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. It’s more democratic.
We’re dealing with a lot of shit.
Why’s he hitting me? I never even met the guy.
When you get your shot, don’t miss.
Never fuck with a winning streak.
The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it.
That’s great. I think I’ll become a sex object.
I’ve been calling you a pitcher and a tub of guts, and now I’m sitting in your living room calling you a liar. I don’t have the right.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
Success is a lot like sex: You don’t have to think about it too much to be good at it.
God, I love baseball.
Just wait a few more minutes. If you’re all the things you say you are, I’ll let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
You know, I once checked into a hotel, and I put my sunglasses on, and nobody recognized me.
How come in former lives, everybody is someone famous?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m impressed. I never thought I’d be impressed with a cock.
The world is full of guys. Don’t be a guy. Be a man.
Don’t think. It can only hurt the ball club.
He’s a real lovesick puppy. He does himself a disservice.
There’s never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn’t have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate.
I have a gift
Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. It’s more democratic.
Clichés are bores, but sometimes they’re the things you gotta say to make a character real
I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones.
Very few people know this, but Buddha is said to have slept with a musical instrument
Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls – it’s more democratic.
Anything that can’t be quantified is amateur-hour in the organization
Remember, baseball is a game of averages
There are few human endeavors where superstition is so rampant today as in the world of baseball.
Every time you lose, you die a little bit.
A good friend of mine used to say, ‘This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.’
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