Billy Madison Quotes – Wisdom and Humor from the Beloved Comedy Film

Stop looking at me, swan!

If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

I swear I’m not even makin’ this up!… If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’!

You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants.

I’m here to learn, everybody. I’m here to learn how to prove to all of you that I’m not retarded.

Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair!

Hey, kids! Who can tell me how to spell ‘business’? No one? Anyone? Bueller?

Don’t you say it. Don’t you say it. I’ll say it. Shampoo is better.

Oh, Veronica Vaughn. Soooo hot. Want to touch the hiney!

No milk will ever be our milk!

So, you know, the puppy who lost his way…

Did you see that? I saw that!

I’m the smartest man alive!

I don’t remember much about third grade, but I’ll never forget Miss Lippy’s car was green.

O’Doyle rules!

He called the shit ‘poop’!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story where Billy pees his pants is hilarious.

But I was hungry.

Yes, I can barely contain my excitement.

If I graduate from high school, I get a really cool job!

It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.

I’m not in any danger, I’m a genius.

Sorry, I don’t speak loser.

I’m here to kick your ass and you haven’t even taken your jacket off.

Billy Madison Quotes – Wisdom and Humor from the Beloved Comedy Film part 2

I find them so amusing. Ha-ha, ha.

Well, Anthony, it’s a soup can.

I’m gonna be completely honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

I have the mind of a five-year-old. And I have to go to the bathroom.

If there’s anything you need, just holler out of the car window.

I’m the Smartest Man Alive. Would you like to touch my dome?

No, I’m not making fun of you. I promise. It’s just… your face!

Nudie magazine day! Nudie magazine day!

Hey, you scratched my CD!

What about you sideburns? Are you in the band too?

It’s too damn hot for a Spanish penguin to be just walkin’ around here.

I wanted to learn, but I was too smart.

Where’s my snack pack? I get to have a snack pack!

Son of a bi-i-i-itch!

You’re not cool unless you pee your pants.

Are you a horse on rollerskates?

O’Doyle, I have a feeling that your whole family is going down.

Well, I made the duck blue because I’d never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one.

Is there a restroom in here, or does somebody just have to go tinkle?

Blah blah blah!

He called the shit ‘crap’!