Bar Funny Quotes

I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but you’ve never seen us in the same room together, have you?

I’m not a heavy drinker, I’m a professional alcohol taster!

Live your life like a coconut: hard on the outside, but always full of good stuff on the inside.

A balanced diet is a glass in each hand.

My doctor said I need to watch my drinking, so I drink in front of a mirror. Problem solved!

I’m not shy, I’m just plotting your next tequila shot.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a bottle of beer, and that’s pretty close.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution: more beer!

I’m not a regular at the bar, I’m more of a VIP member.

Bartenders are like therapists, but with better stories.

I don’t need a knight in shining armor, I need a bartender with a bottle opener!

I may not be the smartest person in the bar, but at least I can order a drink without confusing the bartender.

Love is like a cocktail: it’s the perfect blend of sweet, bitter, and a little bit fruity.

I’m not drunk, I’m just practicing my dance moves in a horizontal position.

In wine, there is wisdom. In beer, there is freedom. In vodka, there is dancing.

I don’t need a prince charming, I need a guy who knows how to make a mean mojito.

Tequila may not be the answer, but it’s definitely worth a shot.

Bar Funny Quotes part 2

I’m not drinking to forget, I’m drinking to remember what an amazing time we had!

I may not be a doctor, but I can definitely cure a case of the Mondays with a round of shots.

I’m not a heavy drinker, I’m just a gravity enthusiast.

Everything tastes better with a little bit of alcohol and a lot of friends.

If life gives you lemons, add vodka and make a party.

I’m not saying I have trust issues, but I always check the alcohol content percentage on the label.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I’m not drunk, I’m just avoiding reality in a socially acceptable way.

Cocktails are like people: it’s what’s on the inside that really matters.

I don’t need a gym membership, I do shots for cardio.

I’m not a regular at the bar, I’m a professional at finding the best happy hour deals.

When life gives you a lemon, squeeze it into a gin and tonic!

I may not be a mixologist, but I can still make a good time.

I’m on a vodka diet. I’ve lost three days already!

I’m not sure what the question is, but the answer is definitely more tequila.

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer it to be cold and free.

I’m not a quitter, but I’ll definitely quit asking for the check after the fifth round.

Who needs love when you can have a drink that gives you the same warm feeling?

I may not have it all together, but I have a pretty good collection of beer coasters.

Friends don’t let friends drink alone. They join them!

I’m not saying alcohol makes you funnier, but it definitely makes you think you’re funnier.

I may be a lightweight, but at least I’m easy to carry home when the night is over.

I don’t do shots. I take tiny vacations from reality.

I’m not a regular party animal, I’m more like a party dinosaur. Rare, but epic when unleashed!

I don’t need a reason to drink, I just need a glass and a good story.

I’m not saying drinking makes you smarter, but it does make you a more interesting conversationalist.

I don’t always go to bars, but when I do, I become the life of the party.

I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem finding my glass after a few drinks.