Archer Quotes

Just the tip.

Phrasing!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

I swear to god I had something for this!

Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!

Lana, Lana, Lana! WHAT! Danger zone.

That’s like killing a unicorn… with a bomb.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my giant monster truck tires.

Who doesn’t love a good chin-ground?

I’m not saying I invented the turtleneck. But I was the first person to realize its potential as a tactical garment.

Oh my God, you killed a hooker! Call girl!

What’s the matter, Cyril? Don’t like Eskimo brothers?

How do you say, ‘I’m going to shit fury’ in Chinese?

You should have some faith in Dr. Spaceman’s medicine. It’s called ‘Spaceman Spiff’ after the Calvin and Hobbes character.

You don’t shoot someone in the back when you’re having a swordfight!

It’s called ‘circumstantial evidence’ Cyril. It’s just like ‘regular’ evidence… except it’s ‘circumstantial’.

I swear to god I’m gonna pistol whip the next guy who says ‘Shenanigans’.

My dark passenger. His name is Brett.

Hey, it’s like Less Than Zero in here. And I should know, because I was Less Than Zero, or more specifically Robert Downey Jr.’s left nostril. Except with more saliva and semen.

Archer Quotes part 2

Do you think that’s appropriate? At a funeral?!

Well, you would loose. Because it is don’t who wish to bring death upon people by cutting off their air tubes.

Maybe you’d have better luck selling burgers if you didn’t slather them in so much… deliciousness!

Tell her I went sancocho.

The red ones are the most absorbent, but just for day wear. The ones with wings, you’ll need overnight.

I know… I mean, I don’t KNOW know. I was just… I feel like we bonded. You know like… bronuts.

She’s fabergé egg. The better you do, the more chance you have of getting nailing her!

And then I did the Vulcan mind-meld, but Archer didn’t seem to really get it.

So what? Like you’re the Rain Main of pick-up arts?

Cyril, don’t be that guy. Look, I know it’s hard to believe, but I was actually invited onto this mission. Unlike you.

What’s the matter, Lana? Don’t wanna bake a ham?

Wow, you really clogged my ear-toys. I mean my ear-pods. Ear-buds? Stop talking.

You know, ISIS used to field a premier international lacrosse team when we weren’t saving the world.

Ikarma? What is this, Jewish revenge?

Well, sarcasm’s my default.

I do still think evolution is a bit of a hussle.

Come on, buddy, climb up out of that glass of wine and have a piece of toast.

Guess I left that squirrel loose in your head CM’s tomb.

Oh, right, just see if you can find a dish that…(Nervously.) uh, blocks cell phone signals?

Well, you know… owls are known for being rather inclined to drink.

I mean, not that I… Oh, God, are you two having sex in my head?

Uh, what with poor Carol in HR and all, we, uh, we’ve decided to bring in a celebrity to help, celebrate people.

What? And give up that sweet Russian-husband money?

I’ve tried to be nice to her. Uh, posed nude for her once down at the Y plus gave her my fellow anatomy book.

‘Know?’ Not exactly. Say I was.”

Now that’s out of the ordinary! Usually, when something on me hurts, there’s a perfectly logical eplanation.