April Ludgate Quotes

I’m April Ludgate, I’m bored out of my mind and there’s nothing you can do about it.

I have no interest in caring about a lot of the things that people care about.

I’m not indifferent, I just genuinely don’t care.

I’m like a feral animal, I’m happiest when I’m left alone.

I’m on a never-ending quest to find the perfect level of not caring.

I don’t get excited about things, but if I did, this would be an occasion for it.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m just very realistic.

I have an irrational fear of happiness.

Emotions are confusing and stupid.

I’m not miserable, I just have a naturally deadpan expression.

I pretend I don’t care, but deep down, I really don’t care.

I don’t need a reason to be sad, it just comes naturally.

My hobbies include avoiding people and contemplating the futility of existence.

I’m like a black hole of enthusiasm.

Don’t mistake my apathy for laziness, I just don’t care enough to do anything.

If I had a spirit animal, it would be a grumpy cat.

I’m not a people person, I’m a people-not-person.

I don’t have a bucket list, I have a fuck-it list.

I have a talent for making people uncomfortable, it’s like a superpower.

I’m like the epitome of unimpressed.

The world would be a much better place if we just stopped caring about everything.

I’m not anti-social, I’m selectively social.

I don’t need your approval, I have my own judgmental eyes.

I’m allergic to mornings and human interaction.

I’m like a self-sustaining sarcasm machine.

I’m not a pessimist, I’m just well-prepared for disappointment.

I thrive in the chaos of my own mind.

I’m not afraid of commitment, I’m just afraid of being bored.

My resting bitch face is just my default setting.

I’m not a cynic, I’m a realist with a dark sense of humor.

I’m practically an expert at avoiding responsibilities.

I choose to see the world through permanently half-closed eyes.

I’m an enigma wrapped in sarcasm.

I don’t need a silver lining, I have a dark cloud.

I prefer whispered insults over loud compliments.

I’m like a walking contradiction, wrapped in mystery, marinated in sarcasm.

I don’t need a reason to be miserable, it’s my default state of being.

I don’t do small talk, I prefer big awkward silences.

I’m not antisocial, I just prefer the company of my own thoughts.

I’m not a morning person, I’m not even a person in the morning.

I’m allergic to emotions that require effort.

I’m not a people pleaser, I’m a people displeaser.

I don’t have unrealistic expectations, I have unimpressed expectations.

I’m not negative, I’m just highly skilled at finding flaws.

I don’t need a happy ending, I’ll settle for a sarcastic one.