I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
Dear Santa, define ‘nice’.
Christmas calories don’t count, right?
All I want for Christmas is a silent night… with the kids asleep by 8 pm.
Accept gifts with open arms, and cookies with an open mouth.
I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
May your Christmas lights tangle as much as your holiday schedule.
My Christmas wish is to be sweatpants-level comfortable at all times.
I’m like a Christmas tree, I sparkle and break easily.
If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.
Rudolph’s red nose is just him snacking on too many maraschino cherries.
I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination when it comes to Christmas shopping.
Dear Santa, I can explain…
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loudly off-key for all to hear.
I’m dreaming of a tropical Christmas vacation… bonus points if Santa wears a Hawaiian shirt.
I’m so jolly, I sleigh.
Christmas sweaters are just socially acceptable ways to wear a blanket in public.
May your hot cocoa be sweet, and your holiday spirit be extra marshmallowy.
Mistletoe rule: if you can’t hang it, eat it.
The only thing getting ‘lit’ this Christmas are the holiday decorations.
Dashing through the snow… oh wait, no, it’s just me running late for Christmas shopping.
All I Want for Christmas is Funny Quotes part 2
I’m in a holidaze, and I don’t want to be found.
A balanced diet during the holidays means a cookie in each hand.
Christmas magic is trading time spent untangling lights for eating extra holiday cookies.
Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… most of the time… sometimes… never mind, I’ll buy my own presents.
If snowflakes were money, I’d be a multi-snowflake-ionaire.
Who needs mistletoe when you have great hair?
Christmas shopping is just like a workout – you carry 10 bags and pretend to look for more.
I’m so excited for Christmas break, I’ve already mentally checked out of work.
Christmas lights are a lot like my Christmas spirit – they start out strong, then get tangled and flicker out.
May your presents be as awesome as your dance moves at the office Christmas party.
The best way to spread Christmas magic is by giving everyone your Wi-Fi password.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll have a glass of wine.
Dear Santa, I can explain my browser history…
May your days be merry and your credit card debt be minimal.
Instead of gifts, can I just get a Christmas miracle of my pants still fitting on December 26th?
All I want for Christmas is a personal chef to take care of all the holiday baking.
Keep calm and eat cookies – it’s the Christmas mantra.
Nothing says ‘happy holidays’ like cookies that are slightly burnt on the bottom.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to awkwardly sing louder than everyone else.
May your ugly Christmas sweaters be the talk of the party… in a good way.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll have another cup of coffee.
All I want for Christmas is more sleep… and perhaps a pony.
Dear Santa, please bring me a gym membership… for January.
May your Christmas be filled with joy, love, and an unlimited supply of batteries for all your new toys.
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